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Pakistan is not the kind of place that most people would associate with gay liberation. Under its veneer of strict social conformity, the country is bustling with same-sex activity. Danyaal, as he's asked to be known, is a 50-something businessman who lives in an affluent part of Karachi, and uses his smartphone to organise Karachi's gay party scene. There are thousands of gay men online in Pakistan at any one time. If you want a relationship, that may be more difficult. Pakistani society is fiercely patriarchal. Pakistanis are expected to marry a member of the opposite sex, and the vast majority do. The result is a culture of dishonesty and double lives, says researcher Qasim Iqbal. Families go to the Abdullah Shah-Ghazi shrine to honour the holy man buried there and to ask for God's blessings, but it is also Karachi's biggest cruising ground. We get important people - police, army officers and ministers too Ahmed, Masseur To outsiders it looks like a writhing mass of men huddling around one another. For participants, it's anonymous group sex. This kind of behaviour is, of course, not condoned by Pakistan's religious authorities. Most Pakistanis view homosexuality as sinful. The vast majority of clerics interpret the Qoranic story of Lot as a clear indication that God condemns homosexual men. The shrine is far from the only place in Karachi where gay sex is freely available. He claims to have slept with more than 3,000 men during his working life - despite having two wives and eight children. One of his wives, Sumera, wears a burka and the niqab, but she has no objection to her husband's chosen profession and wishes more people would keep an open mind. If he doesn't work how will the kids eat? I get angry when people call them names. People are stuck in their ways. At the end of it all, everyone gets married to a member of the opposite sex and nothing is spoken about. Sharia-based laws dating from the 1980s also lay down punishments for same-sex sexual activity. In practice, though, these laws are rarely enforced, and the issue tends to be dealt with inside the family. When the police wouldn't back down the family asked for one detail to be changed - they wanted their son to be presented as the active sexual partner. For them, their son being passive would be even more shameful. Just occasionally, though, Pakistani parents do reconcile themselves to children entering a long-term gay relationship. Akbar and Ali are one such couple who have made things work, against the odds. I took the time to talk to her and convince her that I was a good person. That was first and foremost. It wasn't about 'coming out' in a formal sense. It's more important to convince Ali's family that I'm a good human being. She said she was giving it to me because she knew I 'take care of things'. It was a kind gesture and a very personal kind of acceptance. Akbar has a good relationship with Ali's mother. At the end of the night she goes to her room and Ali and I will retire to our room. Two men sleeping in the same bed? Sure she knows what is going on. We don't have to have a big discussion about it. For many gay men in Pakistan, a heterosexual marriage and a life of anonymous groping is the long-term reality. It's selfish for me to come out and campaign for gay rights now - it's selfish to the women in my family who are fighting for education Beena, Lahore But life can be even more difficult for gay women. Expressions of female sexuality are shunned in the public sphere, even among heterosexuals. So how do gay women make their lives work? In Lahore, twenty-something lesbian couple Beena and Fatima have come up with an inventive way to stay together. I know some gay guys and maybe we'll do a deal so we put in money together and they have one portion of the house and we'll have another portion. We may as well do that. You have to come out. Beena is less hopeful. You don't see that in Pakistan. You are not allowed a difference of opinion here. My father is a gentleman but I wouldn't put it past him to put a bullet through my head. It's selfish to the women in my family who are fighting for education and the right to marry the man of their dreams, or not to marry at all. But there will still be private spaces where gay Pakistanis can express their sexuality openly. Some of the names of the contributors have been changed to protect their identities. You can hear more on this story on BBC Radio 4's Crossing Continents, on Thursday 29 August at 11:00am or on Assignment on the World Service on the same day.

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